Test Test

I was born in New York. I had a happy life, a happy family and I lived my life as a sinner. My father is a serious Buddhist. Every morning, he wakes up, and the children will have to chant along with him.
At the age of seven, my parents divorced, and all the children were brought to Malaysia, the place where my father was born. His relatives (my aunt and grandma) took care of us. Dad had to leave us in Malaysia and come back to the States to work.
Once we got to Malaysia, our life totally changed. My elder brother, Wilson, and I were not allowed to sit on the sofas, we couldn't watch television, we couldn't eat together with other people, and we had to do all the house chores. We were basically unpaid servants, but what was more is that we were totally under control of my grandma.
About three years later, my dad wasn't healthy, and the money he sent for our expenses wasn't enough to cover our lives. So, Wilson had to come back to New York. I stayed alone with my younger brother, Charlton.
Life was never better, and it could never be worse. From small, there was something about Christians that made me want to know them more. But being under the relative’s coverage, I wasn't allowed to call my friends, go any where else than school, and they were Taoism. They dislike Christianity.
One day, as my grandma handed me a bag of garbage, I found a small, blue book. I took it out, and started reading the book. It talks about this man, Jesus Christ, and I wondered who would write the same stories over and over again. I knew it had something to do with Jesus, but I didn’t know that that is the New Testament, talking about God.
As the days pass by, I came to know a classmate. She is a serious Christian. She pointed me to Christ; with strength, understanding and encouragement to go on in life. There were many times I tried to commit suicide, but I never succeeded. She bought a brand new bible for me from her hometown, and the next day it was gone. More people gave me bibles, but the next day it would be gone again. My aunt confiscated it from me.

She warned me not to be a Christian. I wasn't allowed to have any connection with God. When I listened to gospel music, I would stand beside the player to get ready to turn it off when my aunt comes. The only way I did connect to God was through my diary, where I would write all my feelings and everything to God. Even the diary, my aunt read it and she thought I was writing to my dad, until she read something like, "Dear Father in Heaven.....Jesus Christ....."

As I was so comfortable and happy with my sister in Christ in class, she had to leave to another state. Once in a while, I would sneak to church, but my aunt found out too. I didn't know anything about God other than He is God.

When it was second year in college, I had to go to KL, another state in Malaysia for internship. That means I was not under any control.

KL is also the state my sister I met in high school, whom I cried one whole day over, was staying. I e-mailed her to let her know my address and I told her I wanted to go to church. Over there, God amazingly revealed himself to me; his greatness, his power and God glorified himself right in front of my eyes. I was baptized, and I finally received Christ as my savior.
Praise God, He sent his my dad to bring me back to the US. On eighth of August, 2007, I reached San Diego, California, thanks to Jesus Christ! I finally live with mom after 15 years not seeing her, and Wilson, after 13 years being apart.
God allowed crazy things to happen to me in my life, lots more than just what I wrote down here. But I PRAISE MY GOD for it all. I have learned so much, yet so little about God and other things – which I would never be able to understand if I didn’t go through all this. PTL!!!
God is great, amazing, and indescribable, beyond comprehension, beyond understanding......Praise God, I praise him for everything! Especially, for SAVING ME!!! =)

Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O LORD!
-Psalm 25:7

Love is beautiful.

"Lord I will follow You.

Be a slave, be a bondslave!

The Greek word translated "bond-servant" in Philippians 1:1 was commonly used of those who, out of devotion to their masters, chose to remain as slaves when having the opportunity to be released. They were also known as love slaves because they served out of love, not compulsion.
-John MacArthur

What?

Just got off from a shift from work at the hosp.

How glorious,
How wonderful.
What beauty,
What awe.

Looking into the eyes of Jesus,
What does His heart ache for?
What do his eyes see?
Where does his feet walk to?
Where does his mind land on?
What does he think most of the times?

Let me be serious.
Let me be honest.
I struggle with sin,
I am far from perfection.

But my Jesus is good.
He died for me in replace of my sins
All my guilt was laid upon his shoulders
Gave up his life just for mine, for yours.

The gospel.
What is it?
And what does it entail?
The gospel.
Is truth.
The only way to have fellowship with God.
Apart from the gospel of Jesus Christ,
Is separation from God.

Kim reminded me:
Hell isn't just torture, fire, a bad time,
It's SEPARATION FROM GOD.
That's what makes it so bad.

Nothing can be worse than being separated from God,
Not allowed into His presence,
No help, no hope, nothing.

However, if you are with me, believe and trust in Jesus Christ as our Lord:

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.-Paul in Roamns 8:38

Soli deo gloria.

Searching Outside of Self

Where is happiness found? How can satisfaction be achieved? Too oftenpeople engage in a frantic search for these elusive feelings. Looking outside of ourselves is common. What are some external sources? A partial list includes material possesions, money...and even a day of the week(maybe Friday)? How often do you think that a particular person or a specific thing can make you happy? This belief carries grave risks such as dependancy. Relying on an external source for happiness puts control of your life outside yourself. If externals make you happy, they can also make you unhappy...
We constantly tell ourselves such things as,"If I could just go back to school and acquire more knowledge - perhaps get a master's degree- then I will be happy." But are people with master's degrees or Ph.D.'s any happier than the rest of us?...it is misleading to expect [knowledge] to bring us peace, love and happiness. Another misleading thought is that money will bring hapiness. "People grossly exagerrate the impact that higher incomes would have no subjective well-being,"said Alan Krueger, a professor of ecenomics and public affairs at Princeton University. A wealth of data in recent decades has shown that once personal wealth exceeds about $12,000 a year, more money produces virtually no increase in life satisfaction. From 1958 to 1987, for example, income in Japan grew fivefold, but researchers could find no corresponding increase in happiness.
-Person to Person by Sharon L. Hanna

This is a chapter I had to read for my Sociology class. All in all, I am grateful that my source of happiness (I call it joy) doesn't come from a fleeting source that changes every now and then. Rather, my joy depends on a soveriegn God, His name is Jesus Christ, and He is constant, which means my joy never changes too, no matter what the circumstance is, I am always joyful.

Also, if I were to sum up this chapter in one sentence, it would be this:
"This also is vanity and a striving after the wind (Ecclesiastes, many verses)...the end of the matter, all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man" (Ecclesiastes 12:13).

Soli deo gloria.

Candy

How to live and not grow weary? Wait upon the LORD, then you will run and not be weary, walk and not faint. See Isaiah 40:31

Now I know why I can be joyful even in trials, because they produce maturity in faith and prove genuine faith. See James 1:2-4